Bearing witness to Sarah’s learning process is my job as her father.  One time it was riding a bike, another was spelling words, then it was leadership.  One difficult day I listened to her tearfully tell me the lesson she learned, that some men are violent assholes.  Holding space for Sarah’s learning process, as difficult as it can be, has given me many gifts over the years.  At first I thought my job was to sit patiently in the passenger seat while alternating between sage instruction sprinkled with driving stories and praise.  Later I discovered that once again, there are two students.  I’m teaching Sarah about navigating the world as an adult, this time in a car, and she’s teaching me about trust.  Until now the trust has been decidedly one sided.  ”You trust me with your very existence and I’ll trust you to do your level best.”

In the passenger seat of the Matrix (which is named Shahniquah but that’s another story) I realized that the tables have been turned.  My life was literally in Sarah’s hands.  I trusted that my daughter, with 1 hour of driving experience would safely convey us to our destination.  I assure you that it was no simple task to remain calm while Sarah navigated rush hour traffic filled with more cars and curbs than I remember.  I’m happy to report that we arrived safely home with both car and psyche’s intact.  I’m looking forward to the next lesson from Sarah, the patient teacher.

WHAT IF PSYCHIATRISTS came up with different language to describe the suffering of people who troop into their consulting rooms every day? Instead of diagnosing a young woman with “borderline-personality disorder,” how about “lost in the realm of the fluttering leaves”? Instead of “depression,” how about “buried by avalanche, still breathing”? And, just as the Inuit have different words for snow on the ground and snow in the air and snow that drifts, maybe we could have different words for tears: tears we’ll forget by tomorrow, tears we never cried but should have, tears that fall from our children’s eyes, tears that fall too quickly to wipe away.

And yes, it’s from Sy Safransky’s Notebook

10. If you see the problem, you own the problem.

Here’s how it works for me: I notice a problem and immediately look around for someone who SHOULD be fixing it. Then I blame them for the problem as well as judge them for being useless!

On the other hand, if I see a problem and then take ownership, I can avoid the whole cranky phase and jump right into action. Owning the problem eliminates any resentment or blaming by keeping the ball squarely in my court.

“We kept looking for multitaskers’ advantages in this study. But we kept finding only disadvantages. We thought multitaskers were very much in control of information. It turns out, they were just getting it all confused.”
– Eyal Ophir, lead investigator.

What’s interesting to me is that the multi-tasker fans I present the evidence to, choose to stay in denial.  Never underestimate the power of denial!